Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
