People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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