soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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