Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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