If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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