C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
