I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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