He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
