apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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