dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
