There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
