At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
