i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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