Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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