how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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