He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
