how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
