I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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