im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
