For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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