I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
