You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
