At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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