'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
