i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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