Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
