I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
