I wish I could punch you in the face.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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