i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
