well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
