Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
