she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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