Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
