i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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