Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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