Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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