It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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