Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
