My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
