We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
