the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
