be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
