Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
