im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
