cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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