you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
