Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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