I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
