When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
