Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just want to make out with him forever
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
