You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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